I have a new question as the main exhibit in my brain. It sits on the center pedestal, so I keep passing by. Every time I do, I pause and walk around it, attempting to explore its facets, pondering its possibilities. I'm trying to turn it upside down and really get the heart of it. It originated with reading Radical Womanhood on Feb. 13th. I've provided context below, but don't look only from the angle of the desire for marriage. Let it invade the framework for any desire.
"I would try to read between the lines of every message on marriage, to “figure out” God’s plan for me. I wrestled with discontentment. Many nights I asked the Lord to “send me a husband or remove the desire.” Then one day the Lord clearly spoke to my heart: He had given me the desire for a husband, and He had withheld the husband. I was to have joy in having a desire without it being fulfilled." (emphasis mine)
How?
What does this look like?
I have thoughts.
Nothing I can name just yet.
Conversation is flowing.
More later.
What are your thoughts?
1 comment:
It reminds me of many things. The biggest thought that comes to mind is my graduate recital. I worked towards it for 2 1/2 years. I learned to depend on God in new ways. I was pushed to limits I'd not been to before. I thrived on the challenge yet waited anxiously for the day it would be over. And then it was. I think I cried. I know I walked listlessly around the house not knowing what to do with myself. All of a sudden it was over. The roller coaster ride that had taught me so much about God, myself, and the talent He had granted to me was over. I'll never experience that specific ride again. And in the same way I'll never experience this ride of singleness again should God grant me a relationship leading to marriage. I may not know until it's stopped how much I enjoyed it and how much I learned. And sometimes there will be fear and doubt. And soon after it's over, I'll be running off to the next ride. But for now I have the opportunity to exercise faith on this specific roller coaster ride. I'm not sure how I'm doing with that these days, and the fact that I'm writing that probably means not good. I think I need to listen to Mark Dever's sermon about Ruth (from NA 2004) a few more times so that the truth of God's kindness, regardless of what things look like to me, sinks into my heart as well as my mind. Hope you were looking for a long answer!
Keri
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