Thursday, May 28, 2009


This past weekend was passed in Baltimore, MD at the NEXT conference, deepening my relationship with Jesus and friends old and new. Websites are now littered with photos and commentary. I'll get to that eventually. Today I am just glad to be home. I didn't actually spend much of my day at home. I was all over Lancaster and Chester county, but as I sit and read and let itunes play on shuffle (current song: Dream by the Cranberries), I sigh and am home.

Things that tell me I am home:

1) Children's voices screaming my name in their baby way and their baby arms around my neck
2) Sarcasm at my expense
3) Unexpected favors done for me while I was away (garden planting here I come)
4) The smell of dinner wafting up the stairs to my room (and lingering for days after if it includes onions)
5) The comfort of my own bed cannot be matched. period.
6) A surprise visit from a friend - seeing my home through his eyes
7) Stepping outside at night and seeing the city lights down the hill and the stars above.

Psalm 90:1 Lord, you have been our dwelling place through all generations.

What things tell you that you are home?

Friday, May 22, 2009

pray without ceasing part 2

Mommy: com'on baby, I've gotta go to school
Baby: ksooool?
Mommy: yep. school. what does mommy do at school? Learn?
Baby: nnnnno
Mommy: so I don't learn at school?
Baby: no
Mommy: so I basically don't do nothin' at school?
Baby: Aaaaaamen

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

pray without ceasing

Every now and then the teen mom I live with will coach her daughter through saying a simple dinner time prayer. She has her repeat each word and at the end, the baby never says the last word (but she always know when it's done) and instead voices a loud and long Aaaaaamen in her sweet baby voice.

Beginning sometime mid-week last week this is what we've been hearing:

mommy: What does a cow say?
baby: mooooo!
mommy: What does a cat say?
baby: meow!
mommy: What does a dog say?
baby: arf arf!
mommy: What does a duck say:
baby: quack, quack!
mommy: What does a horse say?
baby: Aaaaaaamen!
mommy: Diamond
baby: Diamond
mommy: doesn't
baby: dudent
mommy: hit
baby: hit
mommy: mommy
baby: Aaaaaamen!
baby: book!!
baby: booooook!!!
me: please
baby: please
me: read
baby: wead
me: my
baby: my
me: book
baby: book
me: to
baby: to
me: me
baby: Aaaaaamen!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

subtle grasp

Yesterday I finally accomplished my months (perhaps even years) long intention to unearth my copy of Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. As with all things, sovereignty reigns in the timing.

I love this story. It never fails to inspire, encourage and convict me. I am already through several chapters. It feels like going back to a place I once lived. Wandering through the rooms evokes memories of important events, causes reflection on things learned, then new observations appear as I look at old things from a taller perspective and wonder how familiar can look so different. Notes and dates in the margins are like the family gallery in the hall. They take me back through high school, college, the couple years I taught 5th grade. I don't remember how many times I've read this book, but I have no doubt that I will gather much to turn over in my mind and heart these next days.

This passage is the one that has stood out to me the most so far:

"Father, let me be weak that I might loose my clutch on everything temporal. My life, my reputation, my possessions, Lord, let me loose the tension of the grasping hand. Even Father, I would lose the love of fondling. How often I have released a grasp only to retain what I prized by 'harmless' longing, the fondling touch. Rather, open my hand to receive the nail of Calvary, as Christ's was opened - that I, releasing all, might be released, unleashed from all that binds me now. He thought heaven, yea equality with God, not a thing to be clutched at. So let me release my grasp. Fix my heart wholly, Lord, to follow Thee, in no detail to touch what is not mine."

Ever retained a hope that something would be given eventually and so survived on the idea that your decision to go separately for God will eventually be revoked by Him?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

my mom around age 5-6

my mom in 10th grade

Although you will likely never see this, know that for all that is behind us and between us that makes me weep, I love you. Thank you for speaking the name of Jesus into my life. Thank you for reminding me so often that God has a plan for my life. I hope that some day you will receive the release to enter into that promise and drink it deep.

Friday, May 8, 2009


[re⋅struct]: (ree-struhkt) v.
To change, alter or restore
the structure of, redesign.
To effect a fundamental change.
To recombine. To redefine.

God. Love. Art. Memories

Some things I've been working on....
One of these days I'll get past the making things for gifts and have enough to sell.
Etsy here I come!

Thursday, May 7, 2009


...someone else says it better

first her

then from him, this:

"Because if we want our faith strengthened, it must be tested. And if it's truth we seek in this life, we must begin with doubt. The Christian faith is unique in that it centers itself upon a God Who revels in both the faith that lives in our hearts and the questions that live in our minds. He challenges us to ask the tough questions and seek their answers, even if some are unsearchable. He knows the great secret: the more we try to prove Him false now, the more we'll prove Him true in the end.

God cannot be proven in a laboratory, but He can in us. We can know He's there, that He's paying attention, and that despite what we think or hear or see, He has something wonderful waiting for us on the horizon. And all He asks in return are three things:

That we hang on.

That we believe.

And that we wonder."

I am tired of hanging on and being strong.

I do believe. I want more for when I don't feel like it.

Wonder is sporatic, my mind is raw with rug burns from rolling around with the tough questions.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009