favorite love letter: part one

10:30am
Jesus~
Meet with me this morning. I miss your face and I need to be reassured of your love. I believe I can see it in the faces of the people around me. Help me remember to look. Who am I and what is my family that you have brought me this far? Thank you that I am more aware of grace today than I was before. Show me something new about you today that I can keep with me as I go about the things you have given me to accomplish. Cause me to think of you often and to love you more.

10:52am
In French Kiss, Kate's (Meg Ryan) ex-boyfriend Michael, looks desperately at her as they dance in Paris and says, "It's like someone turned the light on inside you!. Oh why wasn't it me?" Yea, this is really what was going through my head as I read through Ephesians! But here's why - "I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the wonderful future (God) has promised to those he has called." (1:18) I am chosen. I am loved. He has promised me a secure future together. He has given me evidence of his promise in the gift of the Holy Spirit. And he has turned the light on inside me. "For though (my) heart was once full of darkness, now (I) am full of light in the Lord, and (my) behavior should show it. For this light within me produces only what is right and good." (5:8-9) Apparantly he also points me out as an example of his wealth, favor and kindness (2:7). I think I just got the depth of answer I was looking for to the question from week 2..."as shown in all he has done for (me) through Christ Jesus" (2:7).

And I am back to the masterpiece of the cross.

things I love.....

I am still trudging along on my journey for romance from God. If you can call standing in the middle of the trail spinning in circles, trudging. Life just is. Thanksgiving is come and gone, Christmas is coming as fast as the Polar Express. I'm on the lookout for that touch, that glance in the middle of the day to day routine. Sometimes I see it and get butterflies, many days I don't. Maybe I'm not looking as hard as I think.

My letter took more the form of a list. It was composed on the drive home from NH after Thanksgiving, and was inspired by several Todd Agnew songs, the scenery and thoughts of what I enjoy most in my friendships.

The things I love most (in order of thought):
- He waits for me
- He forgives me
- He is merciful to me
- I am at home with him
- He makes me feel beautiful
- He is strong
- He surprises me
- He seeks me out
- He sees the best in me
- He causes me to see the best in others
- He passionately pursues what he believes in
- He sings to me and about me
- He leads me
- He doesn't lead me on falsely - no strings attached per se
- I am my truest self when I am with him
- He is always the same, but I am always learning something new
- He always speaks truth to me
- He is all I need
- I love thinking about the possibilites of our future
- He is wise
- He is gracious
- I love his hands
- He sees and understands me
- He will and does see to it that my love for him never changes

where in the world

Saturday I surfed Google Earth with one of my favorite people, looking at all the places we'd been or lived. Hometowns, college town, Hawaii to Africa and back - breathtaking and it was only 2-D. Seeing some people in the street level views, we got to talking about how creepy it would be if we were seeing these images in real time. We watch way too many spy movies. I found myself thinking about all the things I do occasionally or regularly that I'd rather not have people see in such a manner. I realized I was making a list of habits to resolve to change.

Today I read Chapter 8 "God's Majesty" from J.I. Packer's Knowing God.

1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

"Just as I am never left alone, so I never go unnoticed....I can hide my heart, my past, and my future plans, from those around me (and man, do I work hard at this most days), but I cannot hide anything from God. He sees through all my reserve and pretense. Living becomes an awesome business when you realize that you spend every waking moment of your life in the sight and company of an omniscient, omnipresent Creator."

I am speechless.
I am small.
I care way too much how other people view me.
I have some things I'd rather He not see anymore.
I have some habits to change.
I am scared I will forget this within the hour.
I am thankful that I cannot be forgotten.