always...

...someone else says it better

first her

then from him, this:

"Because if we want our faith strengthened, it must be tested. And if it's truth we seek in this life, we must begin with doubt. The Christian faith is unique in that it centers itself upon a God Who revels in both the faith that lives in our hearts and the questions that live in our minds. He challenges us to ask the tough questions and seek their answers, even if some are unsearchable. He knows the great secret: the more we try to prove Him false now, the more we'll prove Him true in the end.

God cannot be proven in a laboratory, but He can in us. We can know He's there, that He's paying attention, and that despite what we think or hear or see, He has something wonderful waiting for us on the horizon. And all He asks in return are three things:

That we hang on.

That we believe.

And that we wonder."

I am tired of hanging on and being strong.

I do believe. I want more for when I don't feel like it.

Wonder is sporatic, my mind is raw with rug burns from rolling around with the tough questions.