Saturday, January 12, 2008

The tour of the never ending schedule is coming to a close. The last three months were a constant stream of thought and activity, however I have no profound retrospective reflections.

I journaled on Jan 1st that the New Year seemed uneventful and uninviting. I am forced to revise that opinion and have decided to join the ranks of resolutionists and declare my intentions for the year. I have no weight loss plans....getting orthodontic work done has decided that for me. Having to take in sustenance through a straw for two weeks of every month will certainly shrink your waistline.....there are only so many things that are still appetizing after an encounter with a blender! My Bible reading plans are in place, I have only to purchase The Journey of Desire by John Eldridge and I will be off on a visit through the Psalms. There is likely a long list of things I should do more or less, but after last Sunday's message from C.B. I realized only one is worthy of record.

I resolve, this coming year, to live less by my own resolution. That's right, I plan to do less. I do all the time. I have goals and projects and accomplishments and people to relate to and lists and lists of lists stacked in haphazard piles all around my life. This past three months of being in a place of being all things to all people has worn me out. I am ready to return to "normalcy" and let someone else do all the work. Now, in my fundamentalist upbringing and overachieving mindset, I am prepared to easily turn even this resolution into work. However, I want this coming year to be an exercise(well...endeavor?) in greater belief. I want to spend more time just sitting. Sitting with friends and family. Sitting with unbelievers. Sitting outside. Sitting at the cross.

I cannot repay the millions of dollars of debt I owe the grace of God. His mercy is trustworthy. This year I resolve to explore it's depths. As soon as that sentence was off my fingers the demon of condemnation poked me in the neck with fear saying,

"Now you realize you just opened yourself up for all kinds of trouble, don't you?" To him I reply that I just opened myself up for all kinds of blessing. At this time next year I want to look back and see all the ways I no longer seek to compensate for the past or achieve the future. "In Him we live and move and have our being"...all things. If you don't see me often in the next few weeks or have a hard time getting a hold of me, hopefully it will be because I am off sitting and breathing in the presence of my gracious Savior. Ask me when you do see me how it was. I look forward to sharing with you.


Linda said...

Well Rach - I didn't see you today... how was it? :-) I'll be praying for you as you seek to go deeper this year. No doubt there will be much opposition to that but hold fast (as the Lord leads) and he'll bring you through. Love you! - Linda

Rachel said...

It was good....started with a great message at Covenant Fellowship on Thriving in Singleness (you should listen...good stuff) and progressed to listening to Piper's message - Battling the Unbelief of Anxiety...hopefully I will get to read some later too. Love you back.