Thursday, September 24, 2009

you are the water. i am an iceberg. under a big blue sky

I cannot count how many hours I've spent wanting days like these. A day to order as I please, to see a friend, or be a hermit, to get lots done, or sit in the Indian summer sun and stare at the hazy blue-gray glare of the sky until my eyelids seem transparent when I blink. Hours when I had time only to give myself a stern talking to about not always wanting something... other as I rushed of to do the next thing. I've spent over three years being with people and kids 24-7 and now there's just a house and lots of stuff. It's too quiet. You mothers out there know, you'd give anything for a day at a hotel with plush towels, room in the bed and whatever you want to eat, whenever you decide to want it. A day to paint your toenails, all day, if you so chose. Yet if and when such a day arrives, your heart is elsewhere and uncharted time is loud and uncomfortable.

Some days I enjoy all the openness. Other days I move from one thing to the next like a 7 year old in a toy store, indecisive, examining everything and leaving it all out behind me. Brief attention span aside, I've gotten more small projects done than I thought possible in one week. Shucks, in one day. The job I'm actually supposed to be doing (sorting and organizing for a yard sale) is coming along nicely. Irritation at another's irresponsibility is great motivation. Things are starting to make usable sense, look pretty, and feel clean.

For all this time on my hands, my thoughts and plans are still stacked and piled, waiting for an estate sale of their own. I'm aware of all of them, but it's simply too soon to tell. We'll get this yard sale project done, I'm running away for a week to a favorite place and favorite people where I will stop time and eat and drink coffee by the fire then sit under their towering pine trees and stare at the sky. After that, none but the Father knows.

In the mean time I'm:

buying presents and making quiche for a bridal shower
remaking a vintage lamp I found in the barn - pictures once I remember how to put it back together
installing a hair catcher in the bath tub. hair balls make humans gag too and my head sheds like a camel (It's true!...look it up.)
contemplating my sewing pile
making baby gifts
planting pansies
sitting on my roof staring at the sky

1 comment:

Audrey said...

You are going away for a week!?! Where are you going? Love that you have time on your hands to do some fun things...I love you Rachel=)