because life can't be organized into labeled jars

Oh God of heaven come and hem me in
Gather the pieces that are broken
Show me the wonder of You again
Oh God of heaven

God of my hope God of my need
God of my pain that no one else will ever see
God of my healing God of my strength
God who has always and will forever reign
God of my everything

In all creation You call my name
In all the beauty that this world displays
Still I'm the one for whom Your heart aches
In all creation

God of my hope God of my need
God of my pain that no one else will ever see
God of my healing God of my strength
God who has always and will forever reign
God of my everything
God of my everything

And when the mountains shake
You are my God You never change
And when the earth gives way
You are still God You never change

God of my hope God of my need
God of my pain that no one else will ever see
God of my healing God of my strength
God who has always and will forever reign
God of my everything

God of my everything
God of my everything
God of my everything

Oh God of heaven come and hem me in
Gather the pieces that are broken
Show me the wonder of You again

fire & ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.

From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice
Is also great

And would suffice.

Robert Frost

saturate my soul, I prayed...

...this morning as it rained.


This is what He brought to mind:

Psalm 16
You Will Not Abandon My Soul
A Miktam of David.

"1 Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
2 I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you."
3 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.
4 The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips.
5 The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.
6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
7 I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.
11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

NIV translates verse 5, "LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure", which is equally true as the format above. I like the ESV because it highlights the truth that the portion He has assigned me is Himself. I keep stopping my work to come back and re-read this chapter, feeling it envelope my soul. The life present in this Scripture (Hebrews 4:11-13) is especially dear this morning as responsibility looms and humanity is evident.

"Beloved friend [sic], I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul propsereth." III John 2

How is your soul today?

help me love You most, I prayed

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face

‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray
And He I trust has answered prayer;
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair

I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He'd answer my request
And by His love's constraining power
Subdue my sins and give me rest

Instead of this He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart
And let the angry powers of Hell
Assault my soul in every part

Yea more with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed
Cast out my feelings, laid me low

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
"Tis in this way" the Lord replied
"I answer prayer for grace and faith"

"These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou mayest seek thy all in me,
That thou mayest seek thy all in me."

- John Newton

"...it seems that His servants who are used in special ways often experience commensurate trials. These trials are simultaneously burdens God gives to keep them utterly dependent; and thorns which pin back the veil that hides His face. In a fallen world, they are gifts." - Sono Harris

simplicity: reduction

I still remember when all my belongings fit in my car after I graduated from college. Born to a long line of creative hoarders, that didn't last long. I had recently expected to do an art workshop for a local kids club; much to my delight the files of 'Teaching Elementary Art' from the spring of 199_ something would finally be put to use. But alas, plans change. I wouldn't need the files after all, but having the box out of the attic gave me a good reason to go through it anyway. Looking through art lessons, ideas, and practice peresentations brought back all the thoughts and feelings of preparing to teach. This little bit of cleaning out sent me digging through other files and collections of notes, ideas and syllabi. Did I mention that I graudated college in 2002. Yes, I've been carting this stuff around. I might USE it someday. Anyway, I kept a few art ideas and the rest of the 12" stack of paper is now reduced to one sheet of paper. It is the back cover from a missions conference packet. It reads:

Goals:
globally aware
personally connected
strategically involved
Ephesians 5 Re: God's Will

No desires apart from Christ
No ambition apart from His will
No thought apart from His Word
No act without His approval
No alternative from a lifetime of devotion and service
No opportunity but the door of the Gospel
No higher call than His voice.

Adapted
Carson Fremont
4.7.02

[Carson Fremont was one of my favorite missionary speakers. Google him. I tried, wondering if he is still living and what he is doing now. Last I knew, 8 years ago, he was 70 or 80 something and still teaching English in the universities in China. You won't find much online. He's too busy living his creed.]

2 Timothy 2:21
My hands off His life.

Fitting piece to save, don't ya think?

everything is in between

ahem.
tap.
tap.
this thing on?

it's covered in cobwebs, that's for sure.

there's much to catch up on and i'm about to start by posting lyrics to a song that i suddenly found moving my soul in a way that will likely make sense to only me. life feels...just...so different lately. there are startling moments where adulthood stares me in the eye and others where i'm still 14 and have no idea what i'm doing. regardless, it's changing. the fullness of the last year has come and gone like a breath and i am standing at the bend in the road, remembering the sweet, sweet sounds, smells, laughter and tears of it all.

this song just popped up in itunes a minute ago and arrested my attention from the thank you notes for the most recent funraiser hosted by my workplace that i've been slowly working my way through today.

i feel like much in my life is about to change although much will also remain the same. i want to go curl up on the porch furniture with a glass of iced coffee and linger and reminisce for as long as it takes to sort it out. but i hardly have that kind of time today. thank yous, after all.

so for now:

the end
jason reeves
(i think it's better if you listen. i'll leave that up to you.)

the end is such a scary place to start
everything is torn apart
and i don't know where to go from here
in the end, there's no reason to pretend
i know you won't be back again
i gotta find a way from here..

i don't know where i'll fall down
but i'm sure to hit the ground..

cause it's not over till it's over
every ending's a new beginning
one more chance to get it right
one more chance to get it wrong
its not over till it's over
sometime's nowhere leads to somewhere
and it all starts again
in the end

and it's such a scary place to be
everything is in between
and i don't know where to go from here
in the end i see it's all up to me
to figure out where i should be
im gonna find a way from here

i dont know where i'll fall down
but im sure to hit the ground...

-------
when it's all said and done. no one is leaving. and the only time i'll hit the ground is to fall to my knees and tell my savior all about the things in my heart. the pending changes are all part of his providence anyway. life will be all the richer and fuller for it. i know that he is present in every in between. in the mean time i will try to pace myself in the busyness and savor every moment of the now that is mine.

pilgrim wanderings

today i'm wondering if i will ever get it through my head that God really will answer when i cry out; when i ramble on, telling him all that i know, but don't believe; all that i believe, but don't do; all that i feel, but don't have words to express; all that i hope for, but fear isn't even true. and he pours out grace and brings tears to prove it and puts melodies in my heart like:

Guide me, O thou great Jehovah,
pilgrim through this barren land.
I am weak, but thou art mighty;
hold me with thy powerful hand.
Bread of heaven, bread of heaven,
feed me till I want no more;
feed me till I want no more.

Open now the crystal fountain,
whence the healing stream doth flow;
let the fire and cloudy pillar
lead me all my journey through.
Strong deliverer, strong deliverer,
be thou still my strength and shield;
be thou still my strength and shield.

When I tread the verge of Jordan,
bid my anxious fears subside;
death of death and hell's destruction,
land me safe on Canaan's side.
Songs of praises, songs of praises,
I will ever give to thee;
I will ever give to thee.

Drink (To Disconnect)

Drink (To Disconnect)
by Jimmy Ballenger



To disconnect
And live in peace
Embracing now
This sweet release

To cease and desist from asking, "Why?"
For fear that in this, my soul would die
By the underlying worry that accompanies such
When life doesn't seem to be going much
The way I'd hoped
The way I'd planned
The way I thought it would someday be
Even though I know that it still someday could

Be thankful for the things you have
You might not now, but you'd be glad
If, after waking one day to find that they're lost
The sun does not go down without their return
For family, for friends, and treasured memories
Upon which no price can be laid
No cost to be paid
Treasure these deep within your heart

Blink, think, take a drink
For a moment, but sip
Slow down the empty pace of your caffeinated life
And take in slowly
The beauty of all that is around you
And be thankful that God has given you this day
Who knows but that it could be the best day of your life
A little bit of gratitude can give you such an attitude
That you see the good in everything around
Even when it seems that all you see is darkness
Hope lies in the light at the end of the tunnel
Keep moving on

But hide yourself in accomplishments
In all that this world rewards
And ask yourself at the end of the day
When all is said and done
And after all you've said and done
You're all done
Having done
More than Einstein
More than Edison
More than any man, woman, or child that ever walked the face of this planet Earth
Are you happy?
Do you find yourself fulfilled
Having pushed away the weightier matters
Burdening your soul with the lighter substance?

But let's return to our drink
For a moment
Taking in all that you consider precious
And sip
Again
Like I said
Why not stop and enjoy this moment
Slowly
While you have it
Who knows how long you will?
And if you miss the beauty of it all, can you ever get it back?

So drink, slowly, the sweet substance of life
Even if for a moment, it may change your whole perspective
And take it in with gratefulness in your heart
Draining away all your worries and cares
And be thankful that at least you've been given this much, if nothing else
Take it from someone who's learned the hard way
Thank God, thank God, thank God for this beautiful day
It is a gift from Him just for you, and He would never take it back, no matter what
So why would you?
Drink.

"...it makes my apartment smell mossy"

...can you name that movie?

Anyway, the real business at hand! One of our Re.struct products was featured on a thoughtful life. Click below to see the entire post.

a place on this earth

[photo: ashleyelizabeth photography ]
Find me a place on the earth
Where a weary man can rest
And listen for your voice
In the turning seasons

A quiet place in the world
Where I can bow
And confess that I fear
Where you have brought me,
Mysterious God

All of my life
You have been with me
My comfort in loneliness
My hope in the dark
All of my life
Lord, please stay with me
Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart

My days are passing by
Like falling stars
That blaze across the night sky
Then they are gone

But Father, at your side
I will never be afraid
For you have held all my days
In the palm of your hand

All of my life
You have been with me
My comfort in loneliness
My hope in the dark
All of my life
Lord, please stay with me
Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart

All of my life
You have been with me
My comfort in loneliness
My hope in the dark
All of my life
Lord, please stay with me
Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart

Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart

Be my sustaining breath
Be my sustaining breath
Be my sustaining breath

- fernando ortega