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Monday, January 2, 2012
Saturday, October 1, 2011
I missed it.
Snuggled up with just the right weight of mug filled with piping hot coffee, wrapped in my favorite sweater, I read, "Give to the one who begs from you..." Suddenly, dramatically the camera pans out to a birds-eye view, the bottom drops out of my soul, and eternity weighs down.
I missed it.
I had art to pick up, coffee to buy, friends to collect from the airport...I didn't have time. I clenched my purse straps closer to my shoulder, mustered my most compassionate look, and said, "No, I'm sorry."
I can still see her face when I close my eyes.
I see her with face weathered by time and most likely substance abuse, as she hovers near the edge of the sidewalk on Prince St. on the line before the art district starts. One foot in her world, one in ours. Lines define the edges of her eyes, dark, flat and empty. She extends a palm and asks soflty through cracked lips and missing teeth, "Pardon me miss, could you spare a dollar so I could get a hamburger at MacDonalds?"
I scanned her dirty jeans, holey flannel shirt and ragged gesture. I didn't have time. I had a dollar. I would have taken her to get the sandwich, but I didn't have time, I told myself.
I missed it.
I missed sitting with another soul and giving her my time.
I missed feeding her.
I missed extending my own palm with a Savior's touch.
I missed giving her the chance for a different eternity.
I missed the kingdom of God come to earth.
photo source
I missed it.
I had art to pick up, coffee to buy, friends to collect from the airport...I didn't have time. I clenched my purse straps closer to my shoulder, mustered my most compassionate look, and said, "No, I'm sorry."
I can still see her face when I close my eyes.
I see her with face weathered by time and most likely substance abuse, as she hovers near the edge of the sidewalk on Prince St. on the line before the art district starts. One foot in her world, one in ours. Lines define the edges of her eyes, dark, flat and empty. She extends a palm and asks soflty through cracked lips and missing teeth, "Pardon me miss, could you spare a dollar so I could get a hamburger at MacDonalds?"
I scanned her dirty jeans, holey flannel shirt and ragged gesture. I didn't have time. I had a dollar. I would have taken her to get the sandwich, but I didn't have time, I told myself.
I missed it.
I missed sitting with another soul and giving her my time.
I missed feeding her.
I missed extending my own palm with a Savior's touch.
I missed giving her the chance for a different eternity.
I missed the kingdom of God come to earth.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
revamp coming soon...
In the mean time ~ I had the awesome privilege of planning the wedding for and with two of my favorite people...I'll let the pictures tell the story. Enjoy.
I could look at them all over and over. Ok, I have looked at them over and over. But this is one of my favorites.
I could look at them all over and over. Ok, I have looked at them over and over. But this is one of my favorites.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
I’ve Got You
Words and music by Shaun Groves
Copyright 2010 Simplicity Street Music/ASCAP
Got nothing in my hands to part these waves
Got nothing in my bank account that saves
Got no more might left to muscle through
But Oh, I’ve got you
I’ve got you
Got demons gather ’round oh laugh it up
Spreading doubts a plenty I can’t drink this cup
Got no one left who thinks I’ll make it through
But Oh, I’ve got you
I’ve got you
Got faded memories of better days
Got a prayer that they’ll come back around my way
You’ve got me and oh that gets me through
Oh, I’ve got you
I’ve got you
Oh, I’ve got you
I’ve got you
Words and music by Shaun Groves
Copyright 2010 Simplicity Street Music/ASCAP
Got nothing in my hands to part these waves
Got nothing in my bank account that saves
Got no more might left to muscle through
But Oh, I’ve got you
I’ve got you
Got demons gather ’round oh laugh it up
Spreading doubts a plenty I can’t drink this cup
Got no one left who thinks I’ll make it through
But Oh, I’ve got you
I’ve got you
Got faded memories of better days
Got a prayer that they’ll come back around my way
You’ve got me and oh that gets me through
Oh, I’ve got you
I’ve got you
Oh, I’ve got you
I’ve got you
Saturday, July 9, 2011
anticipating nostalgia
After hearing my sister describe a darling incident with her kids the other day, I asked her,
"Don't you wish you could just put that moment in a box and keep it?"
She agreed.
The fact that I've already forgotten the antecdote makes me wish all the more that such keepsakes were possible.
Tomorrow we celebrate the high school graduation of my oldest neice.
I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday that we celebrated this moment:
age 11?
Some days it seems like my own high school graduation is just past. Preparing for hers certainly reminds me of mine.
Like me, she will graduate from homeschool.
Like me, she will have a party with family and friends from all over, a casual affair at a family's home.
Like me, a certain relative will show up unannounced to surprise everyone.
I picked up the cupcakes from the bakery this afternoon and prepared for the surprise relative to arrive. Weather delays and airplane maintenance induce a night watch. I linger at the door, peering down the street into the night and remember the last 18 years.
Tomorrow [erm. this afternoon] we will eat, and laugh and reminisce and sway with oohs and ahs as we guess which graduate is represented in already faded baby picture. We will worship and together praise God for His grace over their lives thus far, laying hands on heads and shoulders, imparting love and favor and anointing for the years to come.
I'd better tuck some tissues in my sleeve.
It was yesterday, I tell you.
2006 - the baby sister she prayed for
Eh, she was homeschooled. She'll do just fine.
"Don't you wish you could just put that moment in a box and keep it?"
She agreed.
The fact that I've already forgotten the antecdote makes me wish all the more that such keepsakes were possible.
Tomorrow we celebrate the high school graduation of my oldest neice.
I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday that we celebrated this moment:
Some days it seems like my own high school graduation is just past. Preparing for hers certainly reminds me of mine.
Like me, she will graduate from homeschool.
Like me, she will have a party with family and friends from all over, a casual affair at a family's home.
Like me, a certain relative will show up unannounced to surprise everyone.
I picked up the cupcakes from the bakery this afternoon and prepared for the surprise relative to arrive. Weather delays and airplane maintenance induce a night watch. I linger at the door, peering down the street into the night and remember the last 18 years.
Tomorrow [erm. this afternoon] we will eat, and laugh and reminisce and sway with oohs and ahs as we guess which graduate is represented in already faded baby picture. We will worship and together praise God for His grace over their lives thus far, laying hands on heads and shoulders, imparting love and favor and anointing for the years to come.
I'd better tuck some tissues in my sleeve.
It was yesterday, I tell you.
Eh, she was homeschooled. She'll do just fine.
Friday, June 24, 2011
breathing room for my soul
God the one and only -
I'll wait as long as He says.
Everything I need comes from Him,
so why not?
He's the solid rock under my feet,
breathing room for my soul,
An impregnable castle;
I'm set for life.
Psalm 62
Thursday, June 23, 2011
snapshot
On behalf of work, I attended a festival hosted by a local church as a community outreach. Most of the pictures from the day are amateur snapshots - I wasn't particularly trying for anything else. However, this grabbed my attention. A lovely, older couple was churning homemade ice cream by using a green John Deere tractor. I have to confess the ice cream was almost as good as Grandma Johnson's, but not quite. First, hers was peach. Second, it was hers. This view still reminded me of Grandpas long gone, teasing Uncles at family holidays, and far away places. It inspires visions of a home that used to be and of one of my own that is yet to come.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
all the ladies
No.
No. This has nothing to do with the Beyonce song. Well, except that it challenges the worldview it portrays.
Every time this girl writes, I think, "Dang girl!"
She's that good.
This is especially good. I've read it a couple times already and will need to so again to really get it.
See the sneak peek below. Then read the whole article. Twice.
No. This has nothing to do with the Beyonce song. Well, except that it challenges the worldview it portrays.
Every time this girl writes, I think, "Dang girl!"
She's that good.
This is especially good. I've read it a couple times already and will need to so again to really get it.
See the sneak peek below. Then read the whole article. Twice.
We hide. We hide because it is easier to hide than to be known. We’ve eaten off the tree of knowledge and now we think we know.
Yet still He seeks us. Pursues us. Finds us, shivering and scratching under the weight of man-made garments and expectations. I’m there. Are you too?
All because we added to what God said. He gave good boundaries and we made them smaller and tighter, thinking that more rules will keep us safer. God has said don’t eat of the fruit, but we think that it’s safer to just not touch it at all?
This is our great sin. This is our great fall.
We add to what God has said and the boundaries become cages. We imagine He is a harsher God than He is.
We eat the fruit thinking it will make us like God and really all it does is make us into our own god. And we are powerless gods, always trying to find things to bulk us, beautify us, fix us.
Monday, June 13, 2011
time to reinvent normal
doing fundraising for a non-profit and being an auntie to 6, normal is...well...always getting a facelift. this last week though, i fell through an emotional trap door (with hormonal hinges - no wonder it gave way) and have realized quite clearly that life is about to look very different.
my cowgirl blood often stirs up a restless desire for change, for a new challenge, for more variety. and it's usually satisfied by a visit to a new town, rearranging some furniture, or crafting a new project. this time, i didn't see it coming and none of those solutions will work.
i've spent the last five years pouring all my time and life into a non-profit that houses young single moms and their little ones. i've lived with them, cooked for them, cried and prayed with them and for them, driven them places, planned the structure of their days at the program, and most recently told others about them and sought to raise money to keep the home for them going. as is the nature of most non-profits, the staff are there for the love and passion of its mission, not the paycheck. it's been the perfect job for the 20-something girl when housing was included, but i am no longer 20-something and housing is no longer included. i've been telling myself there's no way this should be working financially, and now that side jobs and savings have been expended, it is no longer working. my schedule needs reinventing.
my car has decided that now is the perfect time to also stop working. a 4 year track record was enough, apparantly. i'm still waiting to hear from the 3rd mechanic in as many weeks what needs reinvented this time.
my sister and i have been [correction - my sister has been] running an etsy shop. and that is no longer working. my part is not working. i want to draw out a long list of rational reasons why not, but it's just not. i've not made it work, nor have i been consistent with it. our partnership and the business itself need reinventing. that conversation released the latch on the trapdoor late monday night and the rest followed throughout the week.
i've simply sat with all of this for long moments this past week, thinking. evaluating. asking questions. wallowing. being overwhelmed. thinking in circles. working to decide what needs quitting because it is a dead end and what needs to be pressed into in order to get through the slump to the next level.
in it all, i keep thinking that without it all, i'd never remember my need for God's grace, presence and provision. he and i have been on a journey this past year-and-a-half to align my hopes and expectations. we've worked through my abilities and perceived identity at my job, some friend relationships and now we are working on my finances. he is taking things beyond my control and reminding me:
[do not] to set [your] hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy... do good, be rich in good works, be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for [yourself] as a good foundation for the future, so that [you] may take hold of that which is truly life. [1 Tim 6:17-19]
truth is, i need more work. truth is, God will provide. he always has.
today, i:
worked from home on the next fundraiser
did some job hunting online - people advertise for weird stuff
asked my neighbor to take me to drop off my car
staked my tomatoes and peppers in the garden
mulched the flower beds
caught up with a friend i haven't talked to in months
hemmed the dining room drapes after 5 months of awkward puddling on the floor
made the hemming easier by raising the curtain rod several inches. it makes the wall look bigger
finished a book about when to quit and when not to
worked on some sewing projects that i thought up during church a couple weeks ago - what can i say a friend's shirt inspired me
and now here i sit
tomorrow a lovely friend is letting me borrow her car and i will return to the office and also do some in person job hunting. at this point i'm thinking non-profit part time and something else part time. i'm considering quite the range of ideas
painting and restoring houses - their insides
sewing costumes
cooking
waitressing
pizza delivery
factory assembly line
grocery store
catering
pretzel maker
egg packer
who knows what it'll be
i think i'm beyond the - 'ohcrapineedtodosoemthingdifferent'
and am recharged and ready to consider any direction
for tomorrow
that's all i can handle
my cowgirl blood often stirs up a restless desire for change, for a new challenge, for more variety. and it's usually satisfied by a visit to a new town, rearranging some furniture, or crafting a new project. this time, i didn't see it coming and none of those solutions will work.
i've spent the last five years pouring all my time and life into a non-profit that houses young single moms and their little ones. i've lived with them, cooked for them, cried and prayed with them and for them, driven them places, planned the structure of their days at the program, and most recently told others about them and sought to raise money to keep the home for them going. as is the nature of most non-profits, the staff are there for the love and passion of its mission, not the paycheck. it's been the perfect job for the 20-something girl when housing was included, but i am no longer 20-something and housing is no longer included. i've been telling myself there's no way this should be working financially, and now that side jobs and savings have been expended, it is no longer working. my schedule needs reinventing.
my car has decided that now is the perfect time to also stop working. a 4 year track record was enough, apparantly. i'm still waiting to hear from the 3rd mechanic in as many weeks what needs reinvented this time.
my sister and i have been [correction - my sister has been] running an etsy shop. and that is no longer working. my part is not working. i want to draw out a long list of rational reasons why not, but it's just not. i've not made it work, nor have i been consistent with it. our partnership and the business itself need reinventing. that conversation released the latch on the trapdoor late monday night and the rest followed throughout the week.
i've simply sat with all of this for long moments this past week, thinking. evaluating. asking questions. wallowing. being overwhelmed. thinking in circles. working to decide what needs quitting because it is a dead end and what needs to be pressed into in order to get through the slump to the next level.
in it all, i keep thinking that without it all, i'd never remember my need for God's grace, presence and provision. he and i have been on a journey this past year-and-a-half to align my hopes and expectations. we've worked through my abilities and perceived identity at my job, some friend relationships and now we are working on my finances. he is taking things beyond my control and reminding me:
[do not] to set [your] hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy... do good, be rich in good works, be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for [yourself] as a good foundation for the future, so that [you] may take hold of that which is truly life. [1 Tim 6:17-19]
truth is, i need more work. truth is, God will provide. he always has.
today, i:
worked from home on the next fundraiser
did some job hunting online - people advertise for weird stuff
asked my neighbor to take me to drop off my car
staked my tomatoes and peppers in the garden
mulched the flower beds
caught up with a friend i haven't talked to in months
hemmed the dining room drapes after 5 months of awkward puddling on the floor
made the hemming easier by raising the curtain rod several inches. it makes the wall look bigger
finished a book about when to quit and when not to
worked on some sewing projects that i thought up during church a couple weeks ago - what can i say a friend's shirt inspired me
and now here i sit
tomorrow a lovely friend is letting me borrow her car and i will return to the office and also do some in person job hunting. at this point i'm thinking non-profit part time and something else part time. i'm considering quite the range of ideas
painting and restoring houses - their insides
sewing costumes
cooking
waitressing
pizza delivery
factory assembly line
grocery store
catering
pretzel maker
egg packer
who knows what it'll be
i think i'm beyond the - 'ohcrapineedtodosoemthingdifferent'
and am recharged and ready to consider any direction
for tomorrow
that's all i can handle
Sunday, June 12, 2011
playing school
"this is the pet house where they go to the [sic] doctow's"
"no.
big.
boys.
allowed!"
teacher princess lola
the childrens
"they will sit here, like this, and each one will have a toy friend."
"I need more childrens," she says as she dives her whole self into the basket to retrieve them.
"in the story if our family, this is the part where you, me and IZ go to the [sic] pawk"
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
because life can't be organized into labeled jars
Oh God of heaven come and hem me in
Gather the pieces that are broken
Show me the wonder of You again
Oh God of heaven
God of my hope God of my need
God of my pain that no one else will ever see
God of my healing God of my strength
God who has always and will forever reign
God of my everything
In all creation You call my name
In all the beauty that this world displays
Still I'm the one for whom Your heart aches
In all creation
God of my hope God of my need
God of my pain that no one else will ever see
God of my healing God of my strength
God who has always and will forever reign
God of my everything
God of my everything
And when the mountains shake
You are my God You never change
And when the earth gives way
You are still God You never change
God of my hope God of my need
God of my pain that no one else will ever see
God of my healing God of my strength
God who has always and will forever reign
God of my everything
God of my everything
God of my everything
God of my everything
Oh God of heaven come and hem me in
Gather the pieces that are broken
Show me the wonder of You again
Thursday, February 3, 2011
fire & ice
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Robert Frost
Thursday, August 12, 2010
saturate my soul, I prayed...
...this morning as it rained.
This is what He brought to mind:
Psalm 16
You Will Not Abandon My Soul
A Miktam of David.
"1 Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
2 I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you."
3 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.
4 The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips.
5 The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.
6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
7 I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.
11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
NIV translates verse 5, "LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure", which is equally true as the format above. I like the ESV because it highlights the truth that the portion He has assigned me is Himself. I keep stopping my work to come back and re-read this chapter, feeling it envelope my soul. The life present in this Scripture (Hebrews 4:11-13) is especially dear this morning as responsibility looms and humanity is evident.
"Beloved friend [sic], I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul propsereth." III John 2
How is your soul today?
This is what He brought to mind:
Psalm 16
You Will Not Abandon My Soul
A Miktam of David.
"1 Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
2 I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you."
3 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.
4 The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips.
5 The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.
6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
7 I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.
11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
NIV translates verse 5, "LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure", which is equally true as the format above. I like the ESV because it highlights the truth that the portion He has assigned me is Himself. I keep stopping my work to come back and re-read this chapter, feeling it envelope my soul. The life present in this Scripture (Hebrews 4:11-13) is especially dear this morning as responsibility looms and humanity is evident.
"Beloved friend [sic], I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul propsereth." III John 2
How is your soul today?
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
help me love You most, I prayed
I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face
‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray
And He I trust has answered prayer;
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair
I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He'd answer my request
And by His love's constraining power
Subdue my sins and give me rest
Instead of this He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart
And let the angry powers of Hell
Assault my soul in every part
Yea more with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed
Cast out my feelings, laid me low
Lord, why is this, I trembling cried
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
"Tis in this way" the Lord replied
"I answer prayer for grace and faith"
"These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou mayest seek thy all in me,
That thou mayest seek thy all in me."
- John Newton
"...it seems that His servants who are used in special ways often experience commensurate trials. These trials are simultaneously burdens God gives to keep them utterly dependent; and thorns which pin back the veil that hides His face. In a fallen world, they are gifts." - Sono Harris
In faith and love and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face
‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray
And He I trust has answered prayer;
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair
I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He'd answer my request
And by His love's constraining power
Subdue my sins and give me rest
Instead of this He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart
And let the angry powers of Hell
Assault my soul in every part
Yea more with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed
Cast out my feelings, laid me low
Lord, why is this, I trembling cried
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
"Tis in this way" the Lord replied
"I answer prayer for grace and faith"
"These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou mayest seek thy all in me,
That thou mayest seek thy all in me."
- John Newton
"...it seems that His servants who are used in special ways often experience commensurate trials. These trials are simultaneously burdens God gives to keep them utterly dependent; and thorns which pin back the veil that hides His face. In a fallen world, they are gifts." - Sono Harris
Thursday, July 22, 2010
simplicity: reduction
I still remember when all my belongings fit in my car after I graduated from college. Born to a long line of creative hoarders, that didn't last long. I had recently expected to do an art workshop for a local kids club; much to my delight the files of 'Teaching Elementary Art' from the spring of 199_ something would finally be put to use. But alas, plans change. I wouldn't need the files after all, but having the box out of the attic gave me a good reason to go through it anyway. Looking through art lessons, ideas, and practice peresentations brought back all the thoughts and feelings of preparing to teach. This little bit of cleaning out sent me digging through other files and collections of notes, ideas and syllabi. Did I mention that I graudated college in 2002. Yes, I've been carting this stuff around. I might USE it someday. Anyway, I kept a few art ideas and the rest of the 12" stack of paper is now reduced to one sheet of paper. It is the back cover from a missions conference packet. It reads:
Goals:
globally aware
personally connected
strategically involved
Ephesians 5 Re: God's Will
No desires apart from Christ
No ambition apart from His will
No thought apart from His Word
No act without His approval
No alternative from a lifetime of devotion and service
No opportunity but the door of the Gospel
No higher call than His voice.
Adapted
Carson Fremont
4.7.02
[Carson Fremont was one of my favorite missionary speakers. Google him. I tried, wondering if he is still living and what he is doing now. Last I knew, 8 years ago, he was 70 or 80 something and still teaching English in the universities in China. You won't find much online. He's too busy living his creed.]
2 Timothy 2:21
My hands off His life.
Fitting piece to save, don't ya think?
Goals:
globally aware
personally connected
strategically involved
Ephesians 5 Re: God's Will
No desires apart from Christ
No ambition apart from His will
No thought apart from His Word
No act without His approval
No alternative from a lifetime of devotion and service
No opportunity but the door of the Gospel
No higher call than His voice.
Adapted
Carson Fremont
4.7.02
[Carson Fremont was one of my favorite missionary speakers. Google him. I tried, wondering if he is still living and what he is doing now. Last I knew, 8 years ago, he was 70 or 80 something and still teaching English in the universities in China. You won't find much online. He's too busy living his creed.]
2 Timothy 2:21
My hands off His life.
Fitting piece to save, don't ya think?
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
everything is in between
ahem.
tap.
tap.
this thing on?
it's covered in cobwebs, that's for sure.
there's much to catch up on and i'm about to start by posting lyrics to a song that i suddenly found moving my soul in a way that will likely make sense to only me. life feels...just...so different lately. there are startling moments where adulthood stares me in the eye and others where i'm still 14 and have no idea what i'm doing. regardless, it's changing. the fullness of the last year has come and gone like a breath and i am standing at the bend in the road, remembering the sweet, sweet sounds, smells, laughter and tears of it all.
this song just popped up in itunes a minute ago and arrested my attention from the thank you notes for the most recent funraiser hosted by my workplace that i've been slowly working my way through today.
i feel like much in my life is about to change although much will also remain the same. i want to go curl up on the porch furniture with a glass of iced coffee and linger and reminisce for as long as it takes to sort it out. but i hardly have that kind of time today. thank yous, after all.
so for now:
the end
jason reeves
(i think it's better if you listen. i'll leave that up to you.)
the end is such a scary place to start
everything is torn apart
and i don't know where to go from here
in the end, there's no reason to pretend
i know you won't be back again
i gotta find a way from here..
i don't know where i'll fall down
but i'm sure to hit the ground..
cause it's not over till it's over
every ending's a new beginning
one more chance to get it right
one more chance to get it wrong
its not over till it's over
sometime's nowhere leads to somewhere
and it all starts again
in the end
and it's such a scary place to be
everything is in between
and i don't know where to go from here
in the end i see it's all up to me
to figure out where i should be
im gonna find a way from here
i dont know where i'll fall down
but im sure to hit the ground...
-------
when it's all said and done. no one is leaving. and the only time i'll hit the ground is to fall to my knees and tell my savior all about the things in my heart. the pending changes are all part of his providence anyway. life will be all the richer and fuller for it. i know that he is present in every in between. in the mean time i will try to pace myself in the busyness and savor every moment of the now that is mine.
tap.
tap.
this thing on?
it's covered in cobwebs, that's for sure.
there's much to catch up on and i'm about to start by posting lyrics to a song that i suddenly found moving my soul in a way that will likely make sense to only me. life feels...just...so different lately. there are startling moments where adulthood stares me in the eye and others where i'm still 14 and have no idea what i'm doing. regardless, it's changing. the fullness of the last year has come and gone like a breath and i am standing at the bend in the road, remembering the sweet, sweet sounds, smells, laughter and tears of it all.
this song just popped up in itunes a minute ago and arrested my attention from the thank you notes for the most recent funraiser hosted by my workplace that i've been slowly working my way through today.
i feel like much in my life is about to change although much will also remain the same. i want to go curl up on the porch furniture with a glass of iced coffee and linger and reminisce for as long as it takes to sort it out. but i hardly have that kind of time today. thank yous, after all.
so for now:
the end
jason reeves
(i think it's better if you listen. i'll leave that up to you.)
the end is such a scary place to start
everything is torn apart
and i don't know where to go from here
in the end, there's no reason to pretend
i know you won't be back again
i gotta find a way from here..
i don't know where i'll fall down
but i'm sure to hit the ground..
cause it's not over till it's over
every ending's a new beginning
one more chance to get it right
one more chance to get it wrong
its not over till it's over
sometime's nowhere leads to somewhere
and it all starts again
in the end
and it's such a scary place to be
everything is in between
and i don't know where to go from here
in the end i see it's all up to me
to figure out where i should be
im gonna find a way from here
i dont know where i'll fall down
but im sure to hit the ground...
-------
when it's all said and done. no one is leaving. and the only time i'll hit the ground is to fall to my knees and tell my savior all about the things in my heart. the pending changes are all part of his providence anyway. life will be all the richer and fuller for it. i know that he is present in every in between. in the mean time i will try to pace myself in the busyness and savor every moment of the now that is mine.
Friday, May 28, 2010
pilgrim wanderings
today i'm wondering if i will ever get it through my head that God really will answer when i cry out; when i ramble on, telling him all that i know, but don't believe; all that i believe, but don't do; all that i feel, but don't have words to express; all that i hope for, but fear isn't even true. and he pours out grace and brings tears to prove it and puts melodies in my heart like:
Guide me, O thou great Jehovah,
pilgrim through this barren land.
I am weak, but thou art mighty;
hold me with thy powerful hand.
Bread of heaven, bread of heaven,
feed me till I want no more;
feed me till I want no more.
Open now the crystal fountain,
whence the healing stream doth flow;
let the fire and cloudy pillar
lead me all my journey through.
Strong deliverer, strong deliverer,
be thou still my strength and shield;
be thou still my strength and shield.
When I tread the verge of Jordan,
bid my anxious fears subside;
death of death and hell's destruction,
land me safe on Canaan's side.
Songs of praises, songs of praises,
I will ever give to thee;
I will ever give to thee.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Drink (To Disconnect)
Drink (To Disconnect)
by Jimmy Ballenger
To disconnect
And live in peace
Embracing now
This sweet release
To cease and desist from asking, "Why?"
For fear that in this, my soul would die
By the underlying worry that accompanies such
When life doesn't seem to be going much
The way I'd hoped
The way I'd planned
The way I thought it would someday be
Even though I know that it still someday could
Be thankful for the things you have
You might not now, but you'd be glad
If, after waking one day to find that they're lost
The sun does not go down without their return
For family, for friends, and treasured memories
Upon which no price can be laid
No cost to be paid
Treasure these deep within your heart
Blink, think, take a drink
For a moment, but sip
Slow down the empty pace of your caffeinated life
And take in slowly
The beauty of all that is around you
And be thankful that God has given you this day
Who knows but that it could be the best day of your life
A little bit of gratitude can give you such an attitude
That you see the good in everything around
Even when it seems that all you see is darkness
Hope lies in the light at the end of the tunnel
Keep moving on
But hide yourself in accomplishments
In all that this world rewards
And ask yourself at the end of the day
When all is said and done
And after all you've said and done
You're all done
Having done
More than Einstein
More than Edison
More than any man, woman, or child that ever walked the face of this planet Earth
Are you happy?
Do you find yourself fulfilled
Having pushed away the weightier matters
Burdening your soul with the lighter substance?
But let's return to our drink
For a moment
Taking in all that you consider precious
And sip
Again
Like I said
Why not stop and enjoy this moment
Slowly
While you have it
Who knows how long you will?
And if you miss the beauty of it all, can you ever get it back?
So drink, slowly, the sweet substance of life
Even if for a moment, it may change your whole perspective
And take it in with gratefulness in your heart
Draining away all your worries and cares
And be thankful that at least you've been given this much, if nothing else
Take it from someone who's learned the hard way
Thank God, thank God, thank God for this beautiful day
It is a gift from Him just for you, and He would never take it back, no matter what
So why would you?
Drink.
by Jimmy Ballenger
To disconnect
And live in peace
Embracing now
This sweet release
To cease and desist from asking, "Why?"
For fear that in this, my soul would die
By the underlying worry that accompanies such
When life doesn't seem to be going much
The way I'd hoped
The way I'd planned
The way I thought it would someday be
Even though I know that it still someday could
Be thankful for the things you have
You might not now, but you'd be glad
If, after waking one day to find that they're lost
The sun does not go down without their return
For family, for friends, and treasured memories
Upon which no price can be laid
No cost to be paid
Treasure these deep within your heart
Blink, think, take a drink
For a moment, but sip
Slow down the empty pace of your caffeinated life
And take in slowly
The beauty of all that is around you
And be thankful that God has given you this day
Who knows but that it could be the best day of your life
A little bit of gratitude can give you such an attitude
That you see the good in everything around
Even when it seems that all you see is darkness
Hope lies in the light at the end of the tunnel
Keep moving on
But hide yourself in accomplishments
In all that this world rewards
And ask yourself at the end of the day
When all is said and done
And after all you've said and done
You're all done
Having done
More than Einstein
More than Edison
More than any man, woman, or child that ever walked the face of this planet Earth
Are you happy?
Do you find yourself fulfilled
Having pushed away the weightier matters
Burdening your soul with the lighter substance?
But let's return to our drink
For a moment
Taking in all that you consider precious
And sip
Again
Like I said
Why not stop and enjoy this moment
Slowly
While you have it
Who knows how long you will?
And if you miss the beauty of it all, can you ever get it back?
So drink, slowly, the sweet substance of life
Even if for a moment, it may change your whole perspective
And take it in with gratefulness in your heart
Draining away all your worries and cares
And be thankful that at least you've been given this much, if nothing else
Take it from someone who's learned the hard way
Thank God, thank God, thank God for this beautiful day
It is a gift from Him just for you, and He would never take it back, no matter what
So why would you?
Drink.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
"...it makes my apartment smell mossy"
...can you name that movie?
Anyway, the real business at hand! One of our Re.struct products was featured on a thoughtful life. Click below to see the entire post.
Anyway, the real business at hand! One of our Re.struct products was featured on a thoughtful life. Click below to see the entire post.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
a place on this earth
[photo: ashleyelizabeth photography ]
Find me a place on the earth
Where a weary man can rest
And listen for your voice
In the turning seasons
A quiet place in the world
Where I can bow
And confess that I fear
Where you have brought me,
Mysterious God
All of my life
You have been with me
My comfort in loneliness
My hope in the dark
All of my life
Lord, please stay with me
Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart
My days are passing by
Like falling stars
That blaze across the night sky
Then they are gone
But Father, at your side
I will never be afraid
For you have held all my days
In the palm of your hand
All of my life
You have been with me
My comfort in loneliness
My hope in the dark
All of my life
Lord, please stay with me
Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart
All of my life
You have been with me
My comfort in loneliness
My hope in the dark
All of my life
Lord, please stay with me
Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart
Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart
Be my sustaining breath
Be my sustaining breath
Be my sustaining breath
- fernando ortega
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